Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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