OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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