my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
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