That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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