i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
