ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I would fuck him just for his dog
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
