i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
