So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
