I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
