Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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