I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
