i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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