Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
