My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
