Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
