I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i just google imaged poop.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
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I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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