One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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