what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
