My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
