walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
