This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
