He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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