Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I could make wine with my vomit
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
