So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
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You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
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