fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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