I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
