remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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