Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You ruined the universe
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
