I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
