The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
