I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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