Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
