Texts From Last Night

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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island

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  (508): Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island http://tfl.nu/2xq2
  Replies (5) Good night (3579) Bad night (679)
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  (905): View more from Toronto

  when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college

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  (905): when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college http://tfl.nu/ke7d
  Replies (43) Good night (1444) Bad night (6423)
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  (478): View more from Georgia

  I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.

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  (478): I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths. http://tfl.nu/2srv
  Replies (38) Good night (10649) Bad night (2240)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.

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  (520): Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already. http://tfl.nu/ffp6
  Replies (18) Good night (4901) Bad night (1225)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.

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  (303): And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first. http://tfl.nu/c9e0
  Replies (11) Good night (877) Bad night (3497)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.

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  (443): she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help. http://tfl.nu/37hn
  Replies (3) Good night (2354) Bad night (1156)
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  (310): View more from California

  we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.

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  (310): we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former. http://tfl.nu/kzo5
  Replies (1) Good night (1583) Bad night (786)
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  (915): View more from Texas

  Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.

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  (915): Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn. http://tfl.nu/g641
  Replies (3) Good night (1747) Bad night (712)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.

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  (928): Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment. http://tfl.nu/kmtk
  Replies (10) Good night (780) Bad night (1293)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face

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  (319): I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face http://tfl.nu/7v6p
  Replies (9) Good night (1881) Bad night (649)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.

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  (360): Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days. http://tfl.nu/cbkv
  Replies (7) Good night (575) Bad night (849)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.

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  (540): Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents. http://tfl.nu/vksy
  Replies (11) Good night (552) Bad night (959)
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  (310): View more from California

  When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos

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  (310): When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos http://tfl.nu/izqt
  Replies (6) Good night (904) Bad night (470)
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  (585): View more from New York

  The uberlube is also flammable

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  (585): The uberlube is also flammable http://tfl.nu/uc5d
  Replies (4) Good night (339) Bad night (456)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.

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  (201): im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever. http://tfl.nu/ehqb
  Replies (2) Good night (385) Bad night (163)

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