two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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