I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.