I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.