Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(573): View more from Missouri

I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.

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(276): View more from Virginia

Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.

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(816): View more from Missouri

Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.

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17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Read it at the TFLN blog
(904): View more from Florida

HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.

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(440): View more from Ohio

uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober

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(904): View more from Florida

If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.

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(904): View more from Florida

Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.

(631): View more from New York

You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?

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(312): View more from Illinois

She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.

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