I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.