saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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