Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance