I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I could make wine with my vomit
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Randomize
