My nipple is on Facebook.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
is it fun? or sober?
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