Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
