i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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