I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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