she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
it's great music for shaving your balls
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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