i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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