you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
