Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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