i dedicated my morning wood to you.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Help. Why am I so naked?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
