I skipped work to stalk him.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
