So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
