garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
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