I'm gonna have a badass scar
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
