There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
