Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
