I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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