why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
