My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
