I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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