I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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