Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
