Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
