I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
