So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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