fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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