The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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