Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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