So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
