I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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