my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
porn star boner night. come get it.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Randomize
