I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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