Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
