She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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