Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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