My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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