Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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