like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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