it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
