I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
