Heybabeimwearingurpanties
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Boobs are out for the taking
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
